I am the Lord your Prime Minister, who brings you out of the land of bigotry and intolerance and into the 21st century. I do this not despite being a Conservative, but because I am a Conservative, and I would have all things relevant (and if you don’t like it, I shall use the Parliament Act).
1 You shall stop living by an outdated value system inappropriate for our times, and you shall not foist your unacceptable beliefs, by speaking of them, onto others, even where such beliefs are founded upon Scripture or otherwise historic definitions.
2You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in the Labour or Liberal Democrat parties, because this is unnecessary in reconstituted Britain. You shall not bow down or worship these parties, because despite being in coalition, I, the Lord your Prime Minister, am a jealous Prime Minister and will implement all such policies myself, punishing those who disagree, but showing love for a thousand days unto those who love me and keep my commandments.
3 You shall not misuse the politically correct definition of intolerance and bullying, for the Prime Minister and British judiciary will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses or casts aspersions upon the new ideology.
4 Remember the Sabbath day if you must, but you do not need to keep it holy, because the courts have now decided it is not a distinctive mark and requirement of the Christian faith. And besides which, we are today an inclusive society, which means that other religions are more holy than this outmoded relic of Western civilization.
5Honour parent one and parent two, but do not utter the blasphemous words of father and mother, for that is to imply unacceptable discrimination and hatred; and if you do so you will not live long in the land the Lord your Prime Minister is giving you, but will be fined and imprisoned for bigotry and intolerance and then cast into utter darkness.
6 You shall not murder, unless it be the taking of death by state sponsored euthanasia of the old, the infirm, or otherwise useless; or the elective termination of unwanted children.
7 You shall not commit adultery where it is with a person of the opposite sex, but for all other purposes this concept is no longer relevant, and you shall not inhibit or otherwise disapprove the sexual gratifications of others.
8 You shall not steal or claim undue expenses; except for those situations where there exists adequate technical justification for so doing.
9 You shall not acknowledge sexual differences except when politically correct to do so, because that is anathema to the State of reconstituted Britain, and you must accept the idea that to uphold biblical ideas and belief pertaining to sexual relationships and outmoded concepts of chastity is unacceptable to the new ideology.
10 You shall not covet your neighbour’s house, Ferrari, or latest version of his iphone. You shall not covet your neighbour’s partner of the opposite sex, or his ox or donkey. However, anything falling outside this exemption clause is, and will remain, okay.
When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet coming out from Parliament and saw the hot air spouting forth from the debating chambers, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have our Lord the Prime Minister speak to us, lest we will die.”
Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. The Lord our Prime Minister has come to test you, so that the fear of Parliament will be with you to keep you from sinning.”
But the people were not reassured and remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where the Prime Minister was.
Contact your MP today, and let him or her know this isn’t okay, and that you prefer the original version!